Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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