i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
