my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Watching her eat just hurts me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
