watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
