I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
