i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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