someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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