I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
