It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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