it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
nutella sex= disaster
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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