yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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