when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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