just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
