u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
