No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
