I want to stick my p in your. b.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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