in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
