Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
