So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hippo gnu deer
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think I just sharted jello shots
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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