"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
