I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
