Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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