Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
