i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
