how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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