You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
