We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
