I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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