I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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