Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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