I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
