I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
