dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
