how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
