i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
