When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
