It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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