Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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