I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
