saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize