Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize