I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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