just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize