i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
