All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
