I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
