so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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