I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
