He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I understand Curling. That high.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
