a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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