just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
