I love black thongs
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
