You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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