Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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