Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
