let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize