I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
