i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
