forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
