There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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