I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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