Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
