She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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