You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm really busy with my period
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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