I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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