I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
