I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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