I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
