Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
