we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
