I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
