Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
