I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I did not marry a roomba.
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