I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
